Context - the Missing Ingredient!
Always Remember the Context
The man's voice on the phone was friendly, "Can we have more time? it's not done yet" he asked. It was the Channel Islands bank. His phone call was unexpected, although I had been waiting a long time for their reply.
"You've written to us about being overcharged, and I've now been asked to investigate the matter," he said. "We are looking into it, but today is your deadline, and it's not done yet."
"It's Friday lunchtime," he continued. "I was hoping to leave work on time this afternoon for the weekend. But doing a thorough job will take several hours, I would actually need to stay late. May I do it next week instead?"
The bank had seriously overcharged me, so I'd written asking why several months ago. They'd ignored it. They'd also ignored my second letter. So my third said that if I didn't hear from them, I'd write to their Chairman in the hope that a motivated deadline would get this important matter resolved.
I was angry, even incensed. First at being over-charged. Then at the Bank ignoring my two previous letters. And lastly they'd ignored my generous deadline, even though they'd had over a month to deal with it. So I said no!
The manager then had to stay late that afternoon to investigate the matter. I spoilt his day by being inflexible and not acceding to his very reasonable request.
Early the next week, I received his report. It found that the bank had not overcharged me, their charges were perfectly reasonable!
"You've written to us about being overcharged, and I've now been asked to investigate the matter," he said. "We are looking into it, but today is your deadline, and it's not done yet."
"It's Friday lunchtime," he continued. "I was hoping to leave work on time this afternoon for the weekend. But doing a thorough job will take several hours, I would actually need to stay late. May I do it next week instead?"
The bank had seriously overcharged me, so I'd written asking why several months ago. They'd ignored it. They'd also ignored my second letter. So my third said that if I didn't hear from them, I'd write to their Chairman in the hope that a motivated deadline would get this important matter resolved.
I was angry, even incensed. First at being over-charged. Then at the Bank ignoring my two previous letters. And lastly they'd ignored my generous deadline, even though they'd had over a month to deal with it. So I said no!
The manager then had to stay late that afternoon to investigate the matter. I spoilt his day by being inflexible and not acceding to his very reasonable request.
Early the next week, I received his report. It found that the bank had not overcharged me, their charges were perfectly reasonable!
How Come?
Looking back at this incident, I'm amazed at how blind I was. I totally ignored where he was coming from and the impact of saying no - which seriously upset his plans for the weekend.
Ignoring where he was coming from when he wrote the report dramatically affected the outcome. I was insistent on being right. But if I'd been more conscious of his needs, I'm sure that he would have approached the investigation far more sympathetically.
This decision cost me a thousand dollars or so. But was it his or the bank's fault? Not really, although my mind did initially give me this thought. Actually, it was my mistake in ignoring his context which cost me the money!
Ignoring where he was coming from when he wrote the report dramatically affected the outcome. I was insistent on being right. But if I'd been more conscious of his needs, I'm sure that he would have approached the investigation far more sympathetically.
This decision cost me a thousand dollars or so. But was it his or the bank's fault? Not really, although my mind did initially give me this thought. Actually, it was my mistake in ignoring his context which cost me the money!
What is Context?
Robert Kiyosaki is world famous, his first book Rich Dad, Poor Dad has been on the best-seller lists for years. It's about becoming wealthy! He's a prolific writer and gifted teacher on how to create wealth.
"it is not so much what you do that makes you rich or poor. It is more the context surrounding what you do that makes you rich or poor.
That is why when people ask me what I do... I reply; 'Please don't ask me what I do. Ask me what I think about what I do.
"The difference .. is the context surrounding the actions or content."
A Very Different Focus
Life Strategies deeply understands the amazing truth in the powerful realization -
As Kiyosaki explains, your context determines the success or failure of what you do. Changing what you do is not a change who you are. The change from where you are now to where you want to be involves changing your "be"ing - your context!
Have you noticed how situations can repeat themselves, often involving different people? We all laugh at the irony when someone lands in the same situation by marrying a clone of their mother or their father. Without changing context, situations reoccur so that you can learn the lesson.
Reducing stress involves reducing self-sabotage by changing your context, your being. Discover the different perspectives which will resolve rather than just help you endure a situation. Without changing within, how can your feelings about anything change?
There's a dilemma here, although only an apparent one! Your life is not about what you do, and yet life is all about moving on from where you are - which always involves doing!
"It doesn't matter what you do,
it won't get you
where you really want to be.
As Kiyosaki explains, your context determines the success or failure of what you do. Changing what you do is not a change who you are. The change from where you are now to where you want to be involves changing your "be"ing - your context!
Have you noticed how situations can repeat themselves, often involving different people? We all laugh at the irony when someone lands in the same situation by marrying a clone of their mother or their father. Without changing context, situations reoccur so that you can learn the lesson.
Reducing stress involves reducing self-sabotage by changing your context, your being. Discover the different perspectives which will resolve rather than just help you endure a situation. Without changing within, how can your feelings about anything change?
There's a dilemma here, although only an apparent one! Your life is not about what you do, and yet life is all about moving on from where you are - which always involves doing!
Enjoy more Aha moments
Changing context rather than just your knowledge is vital. So our goal is to educate rather than teach. Education comes from the Latin educare - 'to draw forth from within.'
With each discussion of context, we aim to bring you an aha moment. To give you a realization from within, so that you can say:
When you have a glass of juice in your hand, you don't say I believe I have a glass of juice, you say I know - because you're certain. You may say I believe it's apple-juice, which indicates you are not entirely certain that it's apple-juice. You say you believe because you don't know!
With each discussion of context, we aim to bring you an aha moment. To give you a realization from within, so that you can say:
"Yes, I know this, I might not have put it that way,
but it does make so much sense.
When you have a glass of juice in your hand, you don't say I believe I have a glass of juice, you say I know - because you're certain. You may say I believe it's apple-juice, which indicates you are not entirely certain that it's apple-juice. You say you believe because you don't know!
How do you become certain? Not by just believing what you hear, but by investigating for yourself. Belief can't get you there, you need to become a skeptic. As a skeptic, you withhold judgment to start with. You neither believe nor disbelieve, you just don't know yet. Once you've checked it out and know the truth then you're certain. But not until.
Do you have any unquestioned beliefs? Many people have spent their lives believing they cannot be happy without things. Money, power, a 'good job' or your own business, love, the approval of others, friends, control over (fill in the blank), whatever… What is your individual combination?
Life often doesn't give you what you're convinced you cannot be happy without. And then you're doomed to a life of frustration, anxiety and insecurity. You worry about tomorrow in an ever-changing world that refuses to submit quietly to your control. There is a better way...
The Misleading Question, "What Should You Do?"
The misleadingly obvious start of 'Where do you want to get to?' is often one of the first questions in coaching. This then leads to "What do you need to do to get there?" Yet having described her goals in detail for her coach, an associate Anna then described her subsequent experience with coaching as 'professional butt-kicking.'
Doesn't it make sense to first explore what are you all about? How can you be really fulfilled? What's stopping you being that? These questions instead ask about your context - your being rather than your content. They have little to do with what you do.
So this exploration implies that a different number one priority would be more effective, NOT that setting goals doesn't produce genuine results.
Aren't you better off deciding where to get to once you know who you really are - in contrast to who you think you are? If your answer to this important question is yes then you need to improve your context - your understanding of who and where you are - your being.
Doesn't it make sense to first explore what are you all about? How can you be really fulfilled? What's stopping you being that? These questions instead ask about your context - your being rather than your content. They have little to do with what you do.
So this exploration implies that a different number one priority would be more effective, NOT that setting goals doesn't produce genuine results.
Aren't you better off deciding where to get to once you know who you really are - in contrast to who you think you are? If your answer to this important question is yes then you need to improve your context - your understanding of who and where you are - your being.
Contrast our Unique Approach
One of the problems is that questions and answers generally focus on what to do, either now or in the short-term, to achieve specific goals. Although doing what you need to do to achieve your goals is indeed very important.
Writing for other coaches in 'Decisions, Decisions...', Stephen Fairley says:
"As a coach, I come in as a partner to you ...
It's about asking all the right questions.
"one-to-one interactive relationship that helps people identify
and accomplish their personal and professional goals."
But this again brings up the problem of believing others - being gullible. What about that wonderful French proverb, "Plus ca change, plus c'est la meme chose"? The more things change, the more they stay the same!
Although the faces and individual circumstances do continually vary, your challenges tend to remain more or less the same. If you have been focussing on the present, on what to do, you probably know how true this is for you.
Life Strategies' breakthrough methodology originated in the last few years of the twentieth century. Our experiential technology focuses on your future - where I'm told on good authority that you'll be spending most of your time! It concentrates on your context - the key to effectiveness in creating the rest of your life.
Changing Context - not a substitute for psychotherapy
Psychotherapy originated in the nineteenth century. Much of it seems to focus on the past, on how to fix an individual's past so they can move on. Whilst successful for many troubled individuals, it can often take quite a long while. And as every moment passes you create more of the past!
Yet no matter how much some practitioners would like therapy to be all things to all men, the enormous growth in other disciplines suggests otherwise. Thus some psychologists and psychotherapists are also being trained in coaching and other more modern disciplines. The need for assistance with creating the future seems little addressed by therapy.
Yet no matter how much some practitioners would like therapy to be all things to all men, the enormous growth in other disciplines suggests otherwise. Thus some psychologists and psychotherapists are also being trained in coaching and other more modern disciplines. The need for assistance with creating the future seems little addressed by therapy.
Changing context can be very challenging, so this is only for healthy people. If you are not well, or have any psychological issues, please go to a medical professional! The less open-minded you are to new perspectives, the more stressful you will find changing your context to be.
If you totally accepted reality as it is right now, then wouldn't you also be happy? How much stress would you then have about your circumstances? One view of stress is that it measures the gap between reality, what is so, and what you think should be happening.
Your next step
You benefit in so many ways when you reduce the influence of self-sabotage on your life. So bookmark this page and keep exploring, it's totally free of charge.
If you want to start out slowly, then What You Resist, Persists is for you. This dynamic Special Report introduces the concepts needed to overcome self-sabotage and its exercises enable you to start developing the necessary skills.
If you're stressing right now, and wish to reduce your stress, then this page will give you instant results - guaranteed! Don't miss out, check it out! :-)
If you're serious about becoming more effective, you need to invest both time and energy to find out how. This lighthearted yet exhilarating book explaining self-sabotage will give you the necessary skills:
If you want to start out slowly, then What You Resist, Persists is for you. This dynamic Special Report introduces the concepts needed to overcome self-sabotage and its exercises enable you to start developing the necessary skills.
If you're stressing right now, and wish to reduce your stress, then this page will give you instant results - guaranteed! Don't miss out, check it out! :-)
If you're serious about becoming more effective, you need to invest both time and energy to find out how. This lighthearted yet exhilarating book explaining self-sabotage will give you the necessary skills:
Food for Thought
"In order to do what really matters to you, you have to,
first of all, know what really matters to you.
Dr. Edward Hallowell, MD, child psychiatrist, Harvard College graduate