FINALLY: The secret to a fulfilling life. It's not only to eliminate your suffering. Nor is it just more money, nor to have more time. It's not even in having outstanding relationships - although all these are important.

A fulfilling life is deceptively simple: - to achieve what you really want. Although you probably have many areas that need attention, this is a very good place to start. Ask yourself..

Why Choose to Suffer?

Many people see little if any difference between pain and suffering, despite the immense value of this very real distinction. It means that although something may be painful, it doesn't necessarily cause suffering, although you may indeed suffer! In fact, is suffering necessary?

Let's look at a very common situation - childbirth. You, of course, know someone intimately who has had this experience - your mother!

There are women who know the difference between pain and suffering well. Some will describe childbirth as one of the most painful they have ever had to endure. Others say,


Yet both of these descriptions are of the same experience! Even those who describe it as wonderful will, at the same time, also agree that it can be very painful.

So how can something that's very painful also be a glorious experience? Can you change your context to see that suffering is actually a choice? (Your content is what you do, whereas your context is where you come from when you do what you do.)

Wow, it was Painful!

It was a warm summer’s afternoon at Forest Hill station in London, England. At just 12 years old, the train ride to and from school was exciting, it was fresh enough that I was still enjoying the novelty.

Deep in conversation with a friend, I carelessly swung the train door shut. Too casually - I forgot to ensure my fingers were out of the way. Train doors are heavy, and the resultant crushing pain brought swift, copious tears to my eyes. I still remember the feeling, ‘Oh wow, did that hurt!’

Crying like a baby, I went home to my mother, a nurse, who carefully dressed the wound. My finger swelled up badly, and eventually my nail fell off.

And did I suffer! At that age, I didn’t understand that pain and suffering are not necessarily the same. What was I missing?

Pain is our body’s assessment of what has actually happened - of what IS. I had caught my finger in the door and it was indeed very painful.

What is Suffering?

Suffering tells us that there's a better way to look at the situation. It’s how life reminds us that every cloud has a silver lining. It says that there's a more effective perspective in each and every incident which we see as causing us to suffer. It’s up to us, not the other person/people/situation, to do the work to find that perspective.

Suffering is the way the universe brings a unsatisfactory situation to our attention. It’s a disturbance of our internal harmony. Our suffering is a signal that we need to grow, that it’s time for us to change internally.

Pain, in contrast, is the sensation in the body. The crushed finger was indeed very painful, but does that mean I had to suffer?

Does It Help To Suppress?

This is NOT to suggest you suppress pain, or indeed repress any emotion. It’s important to allow yourself to feel whatever you are feeling. So experience the pain, allow yourself to fully feel it for as long as you wish. Express your thoughts and feelings by crying if you so desire. Don't suppress anything.

Then see that the pain is simply the consequence of the actions you have already taken to get where you are now. Pain is the consequence of your previous choice.

Then you can use the pain as encouragement to decide that, next time, you won’t repeat this action in exactly the same way. There's no rush here, only when you’ve had enough pain, will you use it to move on.

But how come some people can view pain differently from others? Is this really possible? How do they do it?

Suffering means Something Needs to Change

All suffering is a signal that something needs changing. That you need something to change. Yet most people assume the outside needs changing. But is this true? Even when the suffering is internal?

When the suffering is internal, it suggests that the place you need to make the changes is inside yourself - which is to change your context! This insight makes you more aware, and increases your personal power. There's an insightful French saying that describes this brilliantly. Most people will try to change the outside and then wonder why...

What were My Choices?

So what was the truth I was too young to see about my crushed fingers and the train door?

• My fingers - were very, very painful, this was what was true for me. The truth is important, it doesn’t help to suppress it. Yet how often do you then make the unconscious choice to react. It is indeed possible to choose a different, more appropriate, less er .. painful .. response.
  

• In contrast, my suffering was because I judged my pain. I suffered for many days because I did not realize that I even had a choice to respond rather than to react. So I reacted unconsciously to my pain and suffered because I confused my truthful childish assessment - my finger is in pain - with the judgment, this means that I must suffer.
  

• So although It may be painful, you suffer if you also make the subconscious choice to do so. How? - by judging. I judged my pain - it's bad, it shouldn't have happened, poor me, I didn't deserve it, etc, etc. But all choices can instead be made consciously. How often do you stop suffering when you get distracted, or just forget about the pain. Even if you have yet to appreciate this crucial distinction, you still have a choice whether to judge or not. Try it, it works!
  

You always have a choice, even though you may not see that you do. This is not to say that any of the options will be pleasant - and even that is a judgement. But can you see that the situation is just what it is, that what has happened is reality?

Then you have the choice to react negatively, or positively, So choose to be more aware, then you can make that choice consciously!

Experiences tend to repeat themselves

When you are not willing to change your context, life will continue to get your attention by bringing you similar situations. Since you ignored the last signal to change, this time the situation will be a bit more noticeable. To help ensure that you don’t ignore the message again, each signal continues to get more forceful.

Yet how often do you keep ignoring the messages that you need to change until the signals are so loud that you are knocked off your feet. And then you complain, ‘I had no idea this was coming.’

You don't suffer much if you pay attention to the situation when it’s small, when the context changes demanded are less drastic and easier to handle. The less your suffering, the greater your happiness! So respond to the suggestions that life brings you when they’re small!

How to Avoid Suffering

Whenever you judge, you suffer. Have you noticed that experiences tend to repeat themselves again and again, becoming ever stronger. This continues until you change your perspective - your context - and make the choice to look and think and understand things differently.

Suffering is not a very intelligent choice. Choosing not to suffer is indeed far more enjoyable than otherwise! As you become more aware, you Increasingly realize that you generally have a choice, and hence your suffering decreases. So start becoming more aware - which will enable you to enjoy life more. And suffer less.

The Dilemma

The impulse to endure suffering can be very real.

You were perhaps taught to suffer in silence - "Stop being such a baby!" - when you were growing up.

Yet learning to endure your suffering is not the most effective way forward. You'll be soooo glad once you've learned to stop confusing pain with suffering. Then, even if something is painful, you won't suffer!

At Life Strategies, you will learn how to work with these empowering distinctions, how to achieve what you really want to achieve, and not to end up with what you don't want. Learning the crucial difference between pain and suffering is an important step toward this.

Yet if this wasn't already abundantly clear to you, then self-sabotage has probably stopped you reaching this conclusion!

But I Know All This, some say

Some believe they know all this. But if you still sometimes suffer then you do NOT know it, although you may know about it. You can't fool the universe, the proof of the pudding is in the eating.

Much of the human race lives in denial. And this doesn't mean on the river in Egypt! We say we want:

• to care for the Earth, yet we chop down her rain-forests and plunder her resources as unlimited
  
  
• a society free of rage and violence, then we entertain ourselves - and our children - with TV programs of graphic rage and violence
  

• our young ones to be responsible, yet our school "Zero-Tolerance" laws take that responsibility away by mandating totally disproportionate responses
  

• the truth, yet we follow Adolf Hitler's strategy of lying whenever we think it expedient. After all - doesn't The End Justify The Means?
  

Do any of these strategies work to give us the outcomes that we desire? Isn't there sufficient evidence of their inevitable consequences right in front of our eyes?

If you are not experiencing the results you genuinely want then, unless you are a real masochist, you cannot really know "All This." Your experience will change when you have changed.

If any of this speaks to your heart, then you know that truth has its own beauty. The elegance of truth gladdens the heart. If you continue exploring these truths, they will bring amazing joy into your life.

The difference between just knowing about, and authentic knowing, is a crucial distinction which makes a world of difference, one which self-sabotage has obviously been keeping from you.

Stop your Self-Sabotage

Achieving what you really want means learning how to overcome your self-sabotage mechanism. Everyone has one, and it operates all the time.

The self-sabotage mechanism generally operates through context, not through content. What's the difference?

• your context is where you come from when you do what you do
  
  
• your content is what you do, how you handle your affairs
  

So learn to manage your context, and stop your self-sabotage. Find out how to do what works, and not do what doesn't work for you. Do more with less! Invest to learn how you can achieve more while saving both time and energy with this ground-breaking, twenty-first century, e-book program and action plan.

Why Invest in Improving Your Capabilities?

An investment has a return, and your return in stopping your self-sabotage is enormous. There's no bigger return than in improving your capabilities, in becoming more effective. Life Strategies clients experience becoming at least 20% more effective, and one client recently reported an increase of ninety percent after just one year.

In the long run, your increase in effectiveness will increase your earnings by at least the same amount. And the increase is permanent. As Benjamin Franklin famously observed,


How much will a twenty percent increase in earnings amount to in dollars over the rest of your life?

Work this out right now! Don't allow yourself to self-sabotage, take the time to answer to this crucial question this very moment - it'll change your life!

The result of your calculations will prove to you beyond doubt that your increase in earnings will pay for your investment in yourself many, many times over.

Yet, just like heat from a fire, results always take a little time and effort. You first have to buy the logs, then you need to put some kindling in the stove before putting in the wood. Only then can you light and look after the fire, which after a small delay will give you heat.

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Food for Thought